Dear sweet, deep-fried, everything-on-a-stick, artery clogging Minnesota State Fair,

First of all, we have to say, you lived up to all of our expectations, and more! We had not planned to visit you; actually, we had no idea that you were even going on as we were driving through Minnesota until we heard the wonderful cast of “A Prairie Home Companion” broadcasting their annual live performance from their stage within your glorious fairgrounds.  At that moment we realized, excitedly, that fate was telling us exactly what to do.  Instead of pressing through the Twin Cities, rushing hurriedly to the coming autumn in New England, we just HAD to stop for the final day of your glorious celebration of all things deep-fried, filled with cherries, derived from a cow…, dare we say, all things American.

Sunday dinner Sundae? We pass on this one, Fair.

So, we found a parking spot at Walmart, bunked down, and dreamed the dreams of cheese curd virgins as we awaited the time when we would pass through your gates and conveniently forget the meaning of the word, ‘calories.’

And you were good to us.  Oh, so good to us.  In that way where good is also really, really bad.  Just look at these pictures, Minnesota State Fair.  Look at them!

Posing with our first fried cheese curds of the day... Yeah, there were more to come.

Ted, loving his Swedish meatballs. On-a-stick. Obviously.

Enjoying Al Franken's Fair favorite - Walleye-on-a-Stick.

Don't leave any cookie dough on the stick!

But, believe it or not, we did more than just eat during our time with you.  We also drank!  And pet goats!  And gazed in amazement at the buttery sculpted faces of Princess Kay of the Milky Way!  And… ate and drank some more; it’s true.  See what you did to us?!

Beer! On a stick!! On a stick!!!

Teeny cute little goats.

We just had to sample Minnesota wines in a cardboard cutout of Minnesota.

Oh my, we had fun with you, Minnesota State Fair.  Do you know that Colorado does not even have deep fried cheese curds?  Can you believe it?  We’re not even sure any longer if Colorado is truly a part of America.  How can it be, without cheese curds?  Why did you introduce us to these salty, greasy morsels, only to send us back to a place where we would forever be neglected of them?  That really wasn’t very nice.

Curds! Glorious curds!

But, Fair, despite all that, we really enjoyed our time together.  We enjoyed our deep-fried-cookie-dough-on-a-stick, our Beergaritas, our ride upon your Ferris wheel during the final hours of your twelve-day extravaganza, and our chance at watching a cat get spayed, right in front of our eyes.  (OK, maybe that last part wasn’t too cool.  What’s up with that, Fair?).

First bite of fried-cookie-dough-on-a-stick. So far, so good.

State Fair Ferris wheel rainbows.

I guess that all we can say is thank you.  You opened our eyes to so many new things, and we really enjoyed our time together.  Unfortunately, we need to go our separate ways.  It’s going to be hard, but we really feel that our home is in Colorado, where people eat salads and do yoga.  It’s really nothing personal.  We’re just . . . different.

We did not sample the pork chops on a stick. We have some restraint.

We will always cherish our time together, and we’ll always have the memories.

With Love,

Al & Ted

Al & Ted. <3

P.S. Can you send us a couple of cheese curds?  No?  OK, you’re right.  That was inappropriate.

Please feel free to enjoy more of our extreme over-indulgence by clicking on the photos in the gallery below.  And please, don’t judge us.